5 Mistakes Football Parents Make with Their Child & How to Avoid Them! :
(Make sure you read the whole article and don’t skip around. You may find a Free 1 Month Gym Program somewhere inside ($600 Value for Free))
If you’re a soccer parent and you want to help your child get to the next level, you’ve come to the right place!
I’ve been playing football for the past 25 years, (9 of them have been throughout Europe in 5 different countries), and I give a lot of the credit to my parents for guiding me in the right direction to be able to achieve what I’ve achieved.
I have played in Europe for the past 9 years, in 5 different countries, and without my parents, I wouldn’t have been able to do any of that.
My father and mother never played football, but they’ve supported me consistently and have always pushed me to get better!
My biggest supporter, my step-father: was a goalie.
He played at the lower levels through the United States, and has always pushed me to play the beautiful game (no matter how tough it got, and how many lows I went through) because he knows the importance of football and what it can teach you.
When he first met my Mom, he know I was a soccer player and he told me right away that he was a goalie..
My 11 year old self said to him “okay let’s see you save my shots!”
A couple minutes later, he was on our front lawn diving for balls in his jeans.
A couple years later, he became my step-father..
So, he definitely did a good job on his first outing 🙂
Anyways, my goal is to teach you how to be a good soccer parent and help guide your son/daughter in the right direction no matter if you played the beautiful game or not.
Our goal is to use football to help foster your child’s development mentally and physically.
Your goal should be to be able to strike a balance and happy medium when “coaching” them through this beautiful journey.
It is your choice on how easy or how hard you want to be on them…
This will obviously depend on their goals, where they want to eventually get to and their personality.
If they want to play on their A Team, High School Varsity Team, Collegiately or Professionally, you will have to vary how “hard you are” on them.
As a parent, you want to have fun watching your kid play and have the ability to foster their development psychologically and physiologically.
The number one and most important step is to put your child in the right place (team/environment) so they can develop naturally under a good coach/mentor who knows a lot about the game, and who has a lot of experience.
You want your child to work with a coach who cares about their development, not only physically, but mentally!
The coach should have the ability to develop young players, and hopefully they have played at a high level so they can put themselves in your “child’s shoes.”
This is also especially true if you haven’t played the game at a high level.
Because the experience of “being in the players’ shoes” is second to none and can’t be “bought” or replicated.
You and me both know that you want your child to succeed and be the best on their team so they can have fun and enjoy the game!
Because if they’re not enjoying the game and they just feel like they’re being “pushed by you,” they will burn out and stop playing at an early age..
Trust me, I’ve seen it multiple times over and over.
I’ve met a ton of parents who are super supportive of their kid’s development, push them in the right way and do everything in their power to help them reach their goals..
Luckily enough, I had those parents.
I’ve also met parents who “over-push” them and try to make up for lost time.
These are the parents who wish they would’ve chased their dream but didn’t so they want their son/daughter to make up for it.
Obviously, this will differentiate child to child and from parent to parent.
You have your own parenting style and they have their own learning style.
So, as I say with physical training and nutrition: you have to find what works for them.
My stepfather and mother did everything for me to succeed in football because they know how valuable it was and is for my life.
What Football Teaches Your Child:
3.Being Able to Work in a Team
5.The ability to focus & concentrate.
8.Hard & Smart Work
9.Decision Making Skills
Anyway, there’s nothing better than supportive parents…
When you parent and coach them in the right way so they can succeed in the game they love, they will be forever thankful!
It doesn’t matter what their goal is with football…
Football will teach them about the reality of life.
Maybe you don’t want your son/daughter to chase that professional contract because you would rather them get a real job and have some sense of security.
I get it, it makes sense. You want them to be safe. But, if they’re willing to put everything into it, please don’t hold them back! 🙂
For me, I never wanted to chase that path because I didn’t want to be like the rest. That’s just not my personality..
I wanted to be in the 1% and I still chase that every single day.
Now, at 29, I’ve realized that I won’t make millions playing the game but the game has taught me so so so so much that I can make multi millions in other things that I’m going after. Not that money is everything, but we can use it as a “measure of success” in this instance.
Football instills a sense of discipline, dedication, commitment and consistency that nothing else does!
Chasing a pro contract is a self-development journey!
No matter the outcome: your son or daughter is going to grow as a person for a myriad of reasons..
They’ll learn how to stay disciplined, handle stress, deal with ups and downs, get stronger mentally, can work in a team, etc.
Football teaches you about life !
It’s very simple: football isn’t fair, but life isn’t fair either.
Football is full of ups and downs, but so is life. You can say “football is political,” but so is life. The goal is to “beat the odds!”
No matter the type of football parent you are, and your opinion on your kid’s goals, there’s always a way for you to respect their journey.
And if you don’t, that’s okay too. That’s on them to be able to provide you a reason to believe in them.
Many kids reach out and ask “how can I get my parents to support me?”
I always tell them that the ultimate way is to “provide proof and results” to them of why they should support you.
Maybe your child can use your unsupportive behavior as a source of dark side motivation. I mean, I certainly did that for myself.
At that point, your child will have to find that support from someone else, but most importantly, from themselves.
As a player, you need to be your number one supporter anyways, because you can never rely too much on other people.
Regardless of whether you support your kid’s dreams or not, which I’m sure you want too, but you may just be scared…
There are several mistakes football parents make when it comes to their child’s development as a whole.
Again, I’m going to be super honest with these, so don’t take them too direct or offensively.
My goal is to help you help them, and honesty is the first step.
Without further ado, here are 5 common mistakes football parents make with their child:
1- Micromanaging your child’s every move on the pitch:
No one likes to be micromanaged. That’s never fun..
I’ve seen this happen at youth training sessions, games, all of it.
And I always say to myself, “just let the kid have fun!”
So, if you’re one of those parents screaming your head off on the sideline…
Now is your signal to stay calm and just let your child enjoy playing the beautiful game.
Parents, I know you want the best for your child in football and life, trust me, I get it!
I will probably be the same way, and I will probably have to re-read this article of mine as well in a couple of years when I have kids.
There’s nothing better than spending your Sunday watching your child enjoy themselves playing the beautiful game in the sun while smelling fresh cut grass (no better smell). That’s true happiness if you ask me!
The main thing is not “getting in the way” of your child’s development, and instead, trusting in the coach and their process.
The goal isn’t for them to play the way YOU want them to play. It’s to play the role their coach wants them to play.
Because if you let their development (for the time being) sit in the hands of their coach, they will develop no matter what and it will also be a lot less energy for you.
The goal is for them to play their OWN way and to find their own love and rhythm for the game.
If you’re on the sidelines and constantly shouting at them, they will never be able to find their own solutions, which is the #1 key for development.
That’s why football is so beautiful, because it tests your decisions in real-time.
Your son/daughter is special in their own way and has their own unique way of playing the game.
I get it, you want them to improve and play at the highest level possible. But, if you’re micromanaging their every move, they won’t find their true love for the game.
Believe it or not, the more “hands off’ you are, and the more you trust their process and the coach they’re currently playing with, the better they’ll get!
I don’t want to blame any parents here, but the worst thing you can do is to be shouting things and telling your child how to make decisions on the pitch, like “Come on, shoot the ball already” or “Pass it there!”.
Trust me, we’ve all had coaches like this..
They think they’re playing FIFA or Football Manager and it just interrupts with the players’ thought process.
The parent is trying to make decisions for the player instead of the player thinking for themselves, and that’s the worst thing that can be done.
Because besides technical, tactical and physical ability, decision making is the number one way that a player progresses in the game.
The higher quality of decisions a player makes, the higher level they will play.
Trust me, after living in many countries and attending many different youth games, I’ve seen some crazy stuff..
I’ve even seen parents call their child up to the sidelines in the middle of a game to give them “instructions”.
Parents, please don’t do that.
Not only is it a huge lack of respect to your child’s coach, but it’s also a major disservice to your child.
Also, keep in mind: the coach is most likely making very little money or just volunteering to help kids’ improve themselves physical and mentally on their free time.
So, just let them do their thing..
If you want to “correct anything,” do it in the car or when you take your child home.
Football is an Art, So Let Your Child Do Their Thing:
Think about the football field as an artist’s canvas for your child….
It’s a place to show their creativity, explore their potential, try new things, and have fun in the process!
As your kid develops through the football ranks, they’ll naturally notice their strengths and weaknesses (from their intuition)..
Maybe they’re faster than other players, maybe they have better vision and skills, or maybe they’re just stronger!
Whatever the case may be, the key is to let your kid express themself in their own unique way!
Trying to make them play in a certain way will only make them overthink their every move and it won’t be as instinctive.
Your goal is to develop that innate feeling and the ability to act instinctively.
You need to realize, they’re out there to have fun, which is the most important.
But, of course, they also want to make their Mom and Dad proud!
If you constantly give them instructions, they’re probably going to listen because you’re their parent…
But think about it..
What can that do to for their development?
They’ll develop the habit of pleasing someone else rather than expressing their own unique skills and talents to help the team win.
That’s not the lesson we want to teach them 🙂
Let them express themself in their own way. Football is a team sport, and every player brings something different to the table.
You want to celebrate what your son or daughter brings individually, and just push them to trust in their own abilities.
After all, a coach is there to bring all those individual skills together and make the team perform as best as possible.
That’s how they’ll enjoy the game most, which is what we all want at the end of the day!
So as a football parent, please don’t make this common mistake which is hindering your child’s development!
It’s up to you 🙂
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2- Not Providing Honest Feedback:
The second mistake football parents tend to make with their child is not providing honest feedback to them.
Now, of course (like with everything) there is a right and wrong way to do this…
Some parents are too harsh, and some are too nice.
Either way can go wrong, and you, me and your child don’t want that to be the case.
Like I’ve said from the beginning, after being in the football content industry for over 7 years now, providing thousands of pieces of free content yearly and programming for over 300 clients online, I realize one of the biggest problems that young footballers go through is lack of confidence.
I feel this lack of confidence can come from many things..
But one thing you and me don’t want is for them to have the “fear of being yelled at” if they make a mistake.
Your child is out there to have fun and develop themselves into a better footballer and human.
We don’t want to make them scared and have them be afraid of making mistakes.
We don’t want them afraid of “failure,” because we know that’s really the only way to learn!
So, as always (and you know best), you must judge what type of “learner” your child is and how they take criticism.
Some people take criticism constructively. Some take it way too personally and it can affect the rest of their life.
Also, you have to judge what their ultimate football goal is (like we spoke about before).
Based on that, you can set that standard, and your child should be willing to “guard that standard” every time they get on the pitch!
You certainly don’t want to be going through every single one of their mistakes when they’re seven years old and just having fun.
No matter the circumstance and matter your child’s age or level, the principle should remain the same : providing feedback should be a discussion and not a complete “battering” of them.
Also, make sure you “read the room” before going into this type of discussion head on.
You and me both know; it is very important to know when to criticize and when to be positive and encourage.
Timing is everything. There is a time and place for everything.
Let’s say your kid is a keeper and just suffered a bad 4-0 defeat for example…
When you get back in the car with them and drive back home, you might not want to start off by blaming them for giving the ball away to the opponent’s striker for the second goal…
How do you think that will play out?
Probably not too well..
Reading the room is key.
At that specific point, your child is probably already very upset and replaying the mistakes in their own head.
I don’t need to tell you how to parent but your role as a parent is to support your child at that specific moment and give them positive encouragement and let them know how they can be better next game.
Maybe help them understand that it’s just one game, and that they’ll learn from it and have a better one next week …
It’s not the end of the world.
But you also don’t want to go fully overboard with the positivity though.
That’s why the second mistake a lot of football parents make with their child is not providing them honest feedback.
In this exact situation, you’ll get a lot of parents comforting their kid and saying it’s not their fault.
Or even worse: blaming other circumstances like the coach, the ref, the quality of the pitch, another teammate… you name it.
A lot of parents overly defend their kid no matter what.
I get it, it’s normal.
He/she is “an example” of you and your family, but the goal is to teach them that their development is on them.
Nowadays, I see way too many entitled youth players.
They are very talented and can play at high levels, but their mindset is not there.
They’re just a little too soft.
You (as the parent) start to develop this hardened mindset from a young age by teaching them how to view things from the right perspective.
If you constantly put blame on others and external circumstances, your child will end up with the same mindset, and we don’t want that.
If they hear all these excuses from you as a parent, they’ll probably go into their next training and blame all those circumstances once more.
Maybe they’ll criticize the coach, other teammates, the pitch the ball…
Either way, we don’t that. Our goal is to teach your child and other youth players to be accountable for their decisions and actions.
And yes, of course they will make mistakes. We all make mistakes.
We can’t be perfect..
But, the goal is to strive for perfection, so we can be excellent!
And if your child sticks to all this stuff and has you as their guide and role model, they can be a role model to other children, and can be a great example for youth footballers.
I don’t know about you.
But that will be my goal when I have children 🙂
All in all, you need to be honest enough with your child and provide feedback without being overly critical and destroying their confidence.
Your goal should be to teach them real discipline and the ability to hold themselves accountable.
This will teach them to take responsibility for all their actions and be more self-critical from a young age.
This is something that I learned a bit late, but I’m very glad that I know it now.
Owning up to your mistakes and making up for them is one of the best qualities a human can have and is essential to grow in all aspects of life.
I’ll give you a simple example..
A couple of games ago, I made a pretty bad mistake that “costed us” a loss.
It could have been my mistake or a 2-3 of my other teammates mistake..
That a discussion for another time..
But, I owned up to it said that, “I will take this on my shoulders. This loss was on me and it won’t happen again!”
Most people respected it, some didn’t, and that’s okay!
Now, when it comes to the process of being honest with your kid…
Maybe you don’t want to share your thoughts directly after a game..
(Again this depends on the player’s personality and how the game went – but it may be better to wait a couple of hours.)
This will allow both yourself and your kid to cool down and have more perspective on what happened instead of acting emotionally.
Trust me, when I play poorly, I am not in the best of moods and I certainly don’t want to talk after the game.
From then, as a parent, I’d start the conversation by asking your kid to voice his/her feelings and thoughts.
This could be a question like “What did you think of your game today?”.
From there, start a conversation and progressively bring in your thoughts and “possible” constructive criticism.
Make sure you don’t act like you know it all either.
In the case of a keeper making a mistake leading to a goal (where your son/daughter was under pressure and played the ball to the opposite team leading to a goal), maybe say something like “From where I was positioned, it looked like you had time to turn and play to the opposite fullback. How did you assess the situation?”
Basically, you’re sharing your thoughts in a calm and non-aggressive manner and then encouraging your kid to share their thoughts on the situation.
From there, depending on the conversation, try to share some mistakes you’ve seen and come up with alternative decisions, together, that could have been made by your kid to avoid the mistake.
You want to include your kid in this process, by asking them what they thought they could have done differently for instance.
You then discuss how they can train the specific characteristic that you’re “constructively criticizing” them about during the week (individually) and with their team, so they don’t make the same mistake next game.
Finally, once you’ve shared and discussed constructive feedback with your kid, encourage them to discuss their mistakes or poor decisions with their teammates and coaches and make it an “open discussion,” so they can play a massive role in their development and they can be in the “driver’s seat.”
This will again promote self-accountability and awareness, as well as desire to improve.
Being honest with your kid as a football parent is super important for their growth and development, and it doesn’t have to be an aggressive or confrontational situation.
Make sure you don’t make the mistake of over-praising or over-protecting them either!
Although you mean no harm, it’s not going benefit your child in the future, because the truth is, football is a very cruel game, so we need to toughen them up!
3- Taking Youth Football Too Seriously:
Too many football parents take youth football way too seriously.
This can be manifested in different ways by parents…
The. bottom line is that if your kid is below the age of 14, you need to realize he’s not playing the World Cup or Champions league (just yet).
Youth Football should be more aimed at development rather than just a focus on winning.
When your child gets to the collegiate or professional ranks: that’s when winning becomes the most important part of playing.
Yes, you can still develop as a player, human and athlete, but this is when coaches’ jobs are actually on the line.
Moral of the story: there’s no need to be overly serious about Youth Football. Like I said in the beginning, this will just put too much pressure on your child, which can lead to a poor performance.
Now I don’t mean to say this in a disrespectful or demeaning way, but too many football parents behave like their own life is on the line when it comes to their child’s games or training sessions.
During games, this might look like constantly interfering with ref’s decisions, arguing with other parents, or bringing too much negative energy on the sidelines.
Your kid is just trying to get out there and have some fun!
Why would you need to pick on a ref that probably volunteered to take time out their weekend to officiate a youth football game?
As a parent, you need to put yourself in their shoes. How would you react to constant bad reactions from the sidelines as a ref? It’s definitely not easy to be a ref..
If anything, arguing with the ref will probably make them even less likely to give away fouls and “favor” your kid’s team.
Plus, it might encourage your kid to follow your example. If you want them to get sent off or show a poor image of themselves and the club they’re representing, go ahead!
Also, arguing with other parents over tactics or a given player not being good enough or whatever, is again detrimental to your kid and the team.
That negative energy is going to give you a poor reputation, which could rub off on your kid and harm his/her growth because they’re perceived as the annoying dad/mom’s son/daughter by the coach and club members.
I’m not making any of this stuff up. I have seen all of it. That’s why I’m trying to point you in the right direction. Not the wrong direction.
Something else I’ve seen time and time again is parents talking directly to the coach and complaining about their kid not getting enough playing time, or not playing in their best position …
This, again, will never bring anything good to your kid.
As a matter of fact, it’ll probably put a target on his back and make the coach less keen on making him start games and play for the team.
Finally, one last aspect of taking football too seriously that I’ve seen football parents make as a mistake is promoting overtraining for their kid.
This is commonly known as “Project Mbappé” haha. A lot of parents believe their kid is incredibly talented and has great potential from a young age.
And who can blame them? In a lot of cases, that’s completely true and great.
However, it crosses a line when football parents start overtraining their kid and bringing them out to the local pitch to do 1-on-1 sessions every day for hours to work on their passing, 1st touch or shooting.
Of course, I know you mean well and want the best for your child, but I’ve seen parents do this for kids aged 8-12 years old!
That’s literally the last thing you want to do with kids so young.
They started football because they’re passionate about the game and enjoy playing it with friends. That shouldn’t suddenly change at such a young age and become too serious.
If the kid feels that pressure to perform so early in their youth football career, burning out is highly likely in their late teens.
This could obviously lead to potential mental health issues and stress, which is the last thing we want!
Football is about enjoyment, smiling and having fun with friends, especially at a young age.
With that being said, there’s definitely a fine line between promoting overtraining and promoting complacency for your kid… As we’ll see in the next part.
4- Relying on Your Child’s Raw Talent:
The flip side of the last part is another huge mistake football parents make with their kids: which is overly relying on their raw talent.
Of course, this is entirely dependent on their age.
Like I said in the previous part, from ages 5-13, it’s mostly about having fun and enjoying yourself…
However, if your kid is aged between 14 and 18 years old, and has lots of raw talent and potential, and is super passionate about the game, the last thing we want is to put that talent to waste.
A lot of these types of kids tend to go to top academies in their state or area and are put on a pedestal from a young age.
They’re getting praised left, right and center by coaches, other parents, teammates …
Everyone is convinced the kid is going to make it to the pro level.
In this situation, the last thing you want to do as a football parent is allow your son or daughter to get complacent.
You have a responsibility to help them block out all the noise and praise they’re getting all around them so they can remain humble and keep improving.
It’s very easy for kids aged 14-18 to start to get into the “wrong things” and lose focus on what’s important. Distractions start to show up like : women, parties, video games, alcohol, pornography, etc, etc.…
If your kid is already constantly being told by everyone that he’s the best player and he has tons of talent, he/she can start to lose focus and start to get into things that will take him/her off their path of becoming a pro footballer.
I would be bold enough to say that the most important part of a footballers’ development is between ages 14-18….
This is when your child will fully grow up and grow into their self.
I promise you, if you can keep them focused (if not, hire a mentor), they’ll make so much progress in those 4 years if they stay disciplined and focused on their ultimate goal.
However, for the reasons we mentioned, a ton of talented kids end up stagnating and not progressing between 14 and 18 years old.
I can say this because I’m a prime example of this…
When I was 13, I was one of the best players in New York and was playing on one of the best teams’ in the state. The coach on the team told my parents’, “if Eric continues on this path, I can promise you that he’ll play with the National Team.”
And yes, my parents told me that multiple times. They tried to get it through my head in a myriad of ways, but I was too stubborn to listen, and I thought I knew better.
Unfortunately, they were right. When we’re younger, we think we know more than our parents, but as you get older, you realize that your parents know best because they have the experience and have most likely been through everything you’ve been through
Anyways, I got involved with the wrong crowd, stopped going to team training and just thought I could go to the games.
That didn’t work out for me..
Even though I was the best player on the team, I got cut from the team. From there, I got involved with the wrong people and stopped playing the game for about 2-2.5 years.
When I came back to the pitch, I was very far behind. I considered myself average compared to the best player.
At about 16-17 years old, I started taking the game seriously again. And I am still doing that catch up ‘til this day.
Long story short, this can happen to your child so make sure you keep your “eye” on them without going overboard.
If your child doesn’t’ have the right guidance, the time they reach men’s football, they either stop playing all together or have been overtaken by players who had nowhere near as much talent!
To avoid this situation as a parent, if your kid is super talented and projected to have a great career, you want to monitor (again not micromanage) their discipline and weekly individual work.
Again, don’t overdo it because it’s all about enjoying the game. The right balance is hard, but it is key!
As always, make sure your kid is staying humble, level-headed and focused on improving their strengths and weaknesses.
I highly recommend investing in a knowledgeable coach to supplement their team training and games to really help them unlock their full potential.
I’ve worked with tons of pros, semi pros, college players, high school players, youth academy players etc.
If you’re looking for a solution for your son or daughter’s development as a parent, you can apply to work with me below:
5- Not Encouraging Your Child to Make Mistakes:
Now, the final mistake I see football parents make with their child is not encouraging them to make mistakes.
I know, I know, this may seem very counterintuitive…
But it’s a consequence of everything we’ve been discussing in this entire article!
As a parent, if you tend to micromanage your son/daughter, interfere with refs, talk with the coach every week to ask for your kid to get more playing time, etc : the biggest negative impact it will have is on your child!
Think about it..
All of these behaviors are just going to lead to your kid crumbling under the pressure.
He or she will be overthinking every move, every pass, every shot: every decision on the pitch, which is what we don’t want!
Football is a game based on the quality of your decisions, and we want your child to be making those decisions!
Why will your child feel pressure?
Because they won’t want to disappoint you, and they’ll feel too much pressure to impress the coach when they get a chance to play more.
At a young age, the last thing we want is for a young kid to play with pressure.
You want to play freely, try as hard as you can and make mistakes!
Yes, you heard me! Make mistakes!
Again, this is why football teaches us about life.
Life is about falling down, making mistakes, and constantly getting back up time and time again, no matter what happens!
How will your child react to their failure and mistakes? That’s the most important part!
If you don’t make mistakes as a player at a young age, you won’t build the experience which allows you to become a better-rounded player overtime.
Making mistakes allows you to self-reflect and problem-solve as a player.
The goal is to review your mistakes and come up with alternative decisions you could have made – just like we talked about in the second part when discussing the right way to provide constructive feedback to your kid.
That’s how you learn and ultimately recognize patterns in behavior which are most effective for your child’s development.
If you never make mistakes, you’re not taking enough risks as a young player, and that’s what we need for growth!
So, parents, your goal should be to create a healthy environment where your child feels comfortable making mistakes and learning from them.
This will develop mental strength and resilience in them at an early stage of their life and football career.
If they fear failure, they might become risk-averse and avoid trying new things on the pitch. Yet, safe decisions are the enemy of growth!
Mistakes are stepping stones to improvement : encourage your kid to take risks and embrace mistakes from a young age: it will help them become a better player and human overall !
To sum up, I think parents have a tremendous responsibility when it comes to your child’s development as a player.
Please keep in mind: I didn’t write this article to shame parents or blame them for harming your development as a player.
I wrote this article because I want to be that mentor to your child that I always wish I had. I wish that my parents’ knew all of these things when I was younger.
Please don’t take these ‘5 common mistakes football parents make’ in the wrong way! At the end of the day, I’m just trying to help!
Just be self-critical – as your son or daughter should be with themselves – and try to realize the mistakes you may have made.
I know you’re always wanting the best for your child’s development, but so do I, trust me!
Hope you enjoyed this article and it helped you out, whether you’re a parent of a footballer or you’re a footballer yourself.
Different topic from what I usually cover, but equally as important : every detail matters if you want to reach the elite level in this game, so I’m here to make sure you leave no stones unturned.
Let’s keep getting after it!
Your Big Brother,